ESNS: Stop Being Sad Edition

“When I get sad, I stop being sad and be AWESOME instead.” ~NPH as Barney Stinson on “How I Met Your Mother”

So there I was… chugging along through life, feeling pretty damn good about myself, my work, my life. For being in a weird sort of transition stage, I was starting to be okay with having no idea what was going to happen with my life, because I was confident I was going to figure it all out. Like I said, there I was, bobbing along midst the waves of uncertainty, getting the business of life done regardless of the weirdness and occasional chaos surrounding me.

Why do I feel like I'm being judged?

And then… BAM!

I got passed on for a promotion at work that I’ve been working toward for, well, since I got hired with my current company a good 8 months ago. Not gonna lie, people. That sh#t hurts. Maybe in some workplaces you can brush something like this off and swear at your bosses and chalk it up to your crummy job and maybe even start searching for new work. But this isn’t just my job, this is a great deal of my life. I love it, I’m passionate about it, I’ve literally poured blood, sweat and tears into it. So when a fellow teammate of mine was chosen for this position, it was hard not to take it personally. It was hard not to feel heartbroken. It was really hard to keep from thinking this meant that someone out there thinks I’m not good enough at my life.

At any rate, I was feeling a bit down in the dumps last night (read: I missed my Halloween party because I was afraid I’d start crying after my first glass of punch), and decided when I got up this morning that there was no way I was going to let this destroy my day off. I had two choices: 1) I could shut my alarm off and sleep the day and my problems away and/or mope around the house in a haze of self-pity and defeat, or 2) I could smother my frustration and any lingering fears with a massive dose of Awesome.

I hope you guys know me well enough to realize where this is going… For starters, it’s Eat Something New Sunday. And why stop at dietary explorations when you can also do something new? And how could you possibly stay inside when their is an AERIAL SILKS WORKSHOP IN YOUR NIEGHBORHOOD?!?!

When I was 8 or 9, I read a magazine article about some kids who traveled around Russia or France or Canada or somewhere and performed in a very artsy, Cirque de Soleil-type circus. I read that article over and over and spent hours gazing into those glossy, vivid pictures dreaming of leaving my school and friends and even my family behind in order to become one of those those glittery-costumed kids. They swung from the trapeze, dangled in the air, performed acrobatic feats. Twelve of them could ride a bike at once. Who wouldn’t want to bend child labor laws and be a part of that?

A similar shiver of envy ran through me the first time I watched a performer on the aerial silks. I had to try it. I wanted to wrap myself in that glossy fabric and tumble from great heights, only to be caught in my silky web just inches above the ground. I wanted to take that fabric in my arms and dangle and pose and soar!

My super hero power is Not-Falling-Down (I only failed to use this power once or twice)

While I can’t say I did that today, I did become acquainted with the art of aerial silks and had more fun than one should be allowed to have whilst getting their sweat on. Admittedly, I had a rockstar partner, which didn’t hurt. Her name? Amanda. And Team Amanda kicked some serious silks butt today. There have been plenty of times in my life where a dream realized couldn’t live up to the dream itself (I’m a pretty incredible dreamer, and reality sometimes has a hard time keeping up). Not so today. Wrapping myself in those two cool, liquid arms was all at once a challenge and a restoration, and it turned out to be the perfect way to release my inner bada## from the clutches of self doubt.

Give me six months… I’ll be dropping from ceilings.

(Oh – It seems ESNS got left in the shadows of my silks, but I did, indeed, try a new Mexican restaurant. The decor was far superior to the dishes, so I’ll leave you with that…)

(Also – as a cherry on my recovery cake, Goodberry’s made me a pumpkin concrete. And in that moment, everything was right in the world.)

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